sheila - Sburnett

Topless Shock on School Trip

Topless Shock on School Trip

Summer 1976 Dracula and Dream team head up north doing both shows at each venue. This is what a certain Mr Ray Smithson, Headmaster of Baysgarth Comprehensive school had to say :

Robert Turner, Daily Mail 17/11/76 Topless Shock on School Trip. A classic Russian play chosen for a school trip shocked teachers and parents. A coach load of boys and girls from 13 to 16 saw explicit sex scenes and a topless actress who mingled with the audience. And now Mr Ray Smithson, Headmaster of Baysgarth Comprehensive School, Humberside, has written to Sheffield’s Crucible Theatre to complain that no warning was given. He said yesterday that the choice of play, Dostoevski’s The Dream of the Ridiculous Man, by Pip Simmons Theatre – had had his full approval group had a good reputation and there was nothing to suggest this production contains explicit sex scenes. The theatre was well aware that this was a school booking and should have warned us, but Mr Arnold Elliman general manager of the Crucible said that the theatre had taken all possible precautions to protect young children.

Ben, Meirav and Sheila backstage, somewhere up North – The Dream of The Ridiculous Man – Drac/ Dream uk Tour

We didn’t know it at the time but the sweet nice looking skinny boy groupie called John who I met in the lift at Leicester Haymarket was to become a buddy for years to come. He and I would one day be the two parts of a pantomime horse. How did this happen? He was an Assistant Stage Manager at the Haymarket and because we didn’t need much help, he had the chance to watch the shows and appreciate them every evening and then hang out with us after the show.Welcome John Altman (later to become Eastenders Nick Cotton) His best-selling book ‘In the Nick of Time: John Altman’s autobiography tells all ! This is what he remembers:

Taken from John Altman’s autobiography ‘In The Nick of Time’ I was only there for a few months when this incredible theatre company arrived called Pip Simmons Theatre Group, never heard of them but I was completely blown away. They were partly a rock band and by that time my interest in music had been cemented. Visually, I had seen nothing like it in the theatre before, they did an incredible version of Dracula. Two girls came on naked and then got dressed to strip music, there was blood everywhere, sex, white doves …. it was a pageant of truly exciting theatre, I watched agog every single night. They were self-sufficient so there wasn’t a lot to do for them, I jammed with the band on drums and drank with them after the show. Pip worked under cover; he never wanted to let anyone know who he was, it was underground fringe alternative rock theatre.

Why the nudity? Why this mischief on stage? Pip Simmons Theatre Group had no philosophy when it was formed. Never did have any philosophy, just a lack of respect for the written words of the genuflected Pinter, Wesker, Bennet, Osborne, etc. This is the year of Punk! anything goes: the underground press OZ & Ink cock a snook at established press; Sex Pistols to the established music industry with ‘Anarchy in the UK’ we see posters of a topless queen; a restless generation find ingenious ways to create disorder, hippies are out, punk is in, anything goes and if you wanted to stand on a stage doing a reverse strip, we didn’t have the Lord Chamberlain to ban it. What we the group had in common was a hooligan attitude and and a deep commitment needed for a Pip Simmons production.

Nicholas de Jongh – Arts Guardian 1976 There I was in the usual darkness. What they have created and perfected in their years of nomadic life is a kind of musical theatre – its distinctive marks are disciplined aggression and wildness. There has been no other group which has chosen to suggest the nasty, violent fury of the times with such physical gut and power, no other group group which has also managed a form of wistful music gentleness as in definitely Dream of a Ridiculous man. For here they are lambasted by criticism, yet for the first time in Britain, playing in a major non-fringe theatre. It gives them, I suppose, a dangerous respectability.

Chris Jordan (Voice of God) and Rodric Leigh (Van Helsing) Backstage Dracula

We ended 1976 with Dracula 2 at the Royal Court LDN and I swear, standing on that stage was not like standing on any other stage encountered on our tour. Narrow, deep rake, look up and you see the boxes, the stalls, the circle, the gods. The Theatre breaths & creaks, we are merely passing by, the ghosts of past performances linger in the woodwork and so here we arrive to do Dracula 2. We have been preparing for this, a London audience, not to be taken lightly. ….. Drac 2 not to everyone’s liking in the press, but we survive and they had a field day with the reviews.

Herbert Kretzmer 1976 Tolling Bells, howling dogs, creaking coffins, a spider eating lunatic and the screams of the undead are just a few of the ingredients of the Court’s Christmas attraction. In this brainstorming version of the travelling Pip Simmons Theatre Group’s spine – chilling Panto, they hurl themselves with religious fervency of a black mass congregation. Blood by the Gallon gushes from the wounds and mouths of the victims, and screams and smoke issue freely from the murky stage.

We all have our names on the dressing room doors. Pete has a star on his door and makes sure we all know about it.

Pete prepares for Renfield in his Royal Court Dressing Room with Rod and Olly reflected in the mirror. We all have our name on the door, Pete makes sure we all know he has a star on his

Steve Grant Time Out 17.12.76 …… Dracula’s presence merely releases the various urges of an assortment of scientists, poets, heroines and heroes who loose their trousers and nighties as the mood takes them. The music by Chris Jordan (doubling the voice of God) is a knockout.There is a bit too much Mel Brooks for my liking, but this said, PS are the most visually exciting group in Britain and we should be proud of them and this madly erotic, madly inventive and madly mad showpiece.

I sneak out in the interval with my camera and a coat thrown over my vampire nighty. This photo was taken whilst dodging the traffic in the bitter winter freezing cold of Sloane Square

Topless shock on School trip-1976 year of the Punk

The Royal Court, London 1976 ‘Welcome to my house’

Blog and photos © Sheila Burnett

All seats 50p – Bat out of Hell: 1977

Roll up! Roll up ladies and Gentlemen! Dracula by the one and only Pip Simmons Theatre Group! Put your hands together for Dracula 3!

It’s Paris, It’s January 1977, It’s my birthday, I’m not yet 30, I’m in these 2 shows called the Dream of a Ridiculous Man and Dracula. Tonight it’s the first night of The Dream and before the show starts I need food so run across the road in my costume to the brasserie “Jambon beurre, s’il vous plaît “

I can ask for a ham sandwich in French and the Follies Bergère are just down the road! Very exciting and I’m not yet 30. This photo was taken after the show at the bar across from Théâtre Le Palace, in the Rue du Faubourg Montmartre. This splendid bar full of mirrors and brass décor is called Le Grand Zinc. I have Chanel No 5 for my birthday and our new boy John is with us to celebrate. Pip announces that he was married last week to his beautiful Swedish sweetheart Helena, so double celebrations. The waiter takes the photo

Sheila, John, Rod, Dick and Pip in the Grand Zinc

Paris, yes Paris! We return with The Dream which we perform each evening. Sad to say goodbye to Ben Bazell, big hello to John Altman who we met on tour last year at Leicester Haymarket. John has spent his Christmas learning the songs and the script and is raring to go. We need to build an audience. An Die Musik is history for us, but not the Parisian audience who aren’t particularly interested in our new show.We manage to get full houses by the end of our 3 week run and The Dream becomes our new super star show, happily knocking An Die Musik from its pedestal.

We rehearse a new Dracula 2 by day and perform The Dream by night. Tempers fray, it’s hard work, we are looking for new Dracula characters. I go to the Paris flea market to find a new costume; a naughty white bodice and pearl choker with a flouncy skirt and tight belt. Meirave does similar. Roderick as Van Helsing has decided to be crippled with a club foot. Joan Oliver, wife of Peter Oliver, and our administrator has to carry a heavy built-up false boot from London. The usual fights erupt from Emil improvising Dr Seward with his fly-eating Maniac Pete. But… there are new songs, new words, new attitude: the re-birth of Drac 3 has priority over the Parisian spring sunshine; we are in the darkened theatre every afternoon rehearsing rehearing rehearsing Drac till it’s ready for an audience

Le Monde 1977 “Like boxers at the height of their form, the Pip Simmons Group have acquired a strength and extraordinary command that explode in The Dream of a Ridiculous Man.”

Pete, John, Sheila, Mierave, Olly, Rod in rehearsals

Pete John Sheila Meirave Olly and Rod recording a promo for Ridiculous Man

Roderic with his new purchase

How Roderic finds the time to buy a lovely old French car is a miracle. Here he washes his new love in front of our digs, Hotel Corona. Paris is close enough for him to be able to drive it home to London before we start our Drac/Dream 77 tour of the UK and Europe as more rehearsals are needed in London to polish and hone Drac 3. Ben has given us all a leaving present, he made us individual cassette tapes to help us on our future touring. We have hours of listening time in the tape machine in the cabin, It will save squabbles about what to play in the van; for instance, we don’t all like Jackson Brown. My tape has YES on one side and the theme from the Railway Children on the other. These tapes will be kept in the van with newspapers, books, maps, sweets, Rizla papers, cigarettes and a well-thumbed Routiers the truckers guide book for eating in France.

Pete-Renfiel and Rod-Dracula take an afternoon kip

Pete (Renfield) and Rod (Dracula) grab an afternoon kip

All seats 50p at the Glasgow Citizens Theatre. We are happy to present an all singing, all screaming Dracula by the one and only Pip Simmons Theatre Group! Put your hands together for Dracula 3 !

This is the first night, our premier with our first audience. We are in a tableau behind an iron safety curtain on the stage of the infamous Citizens Theatre. John our new drummer boy whispers I’m f****** nervous as the iron curtain slowly grinds it’s way up. Miraev and I, the show girls, prance into position and present our superhero, Dracula, who, like a bat out of hell, hurls his way from the back of the auditorium – bald head, fishnets, bat cape – on to the stage. Off we go with our Drac 3 cabaret. Our Glasgow audience are fantastic and as noisy as us. Much fake blood was spat, much screaming and snarling as we romped home, cheered on by this fantastic crowd. Drac 3 in its 3rd incarnation is the best and is exactly 90 minutes long with no interval. John! John! John! The girls called at the stage door. They begged me to get some drum sticks from John. This is a first!! We never ever had groupies before. John broke a few spare sticks over his knee and I handed them out to the girls waiting at the stage door… Then we found out the van had been broken into and all of our travelling tapes had been nicked… This is the beginning of our Drac/Dream 5 month tour – March 1977

The Citizens Theatre – Glasgow March 1977.

Robert Jeffrey – Evening Times 15.5.77 Lord Provost Peter McCann seems to think that only “sick minded weirdos” will go to see the group – an uncharitable view of the good people of Glasgow who turned up last night, and wait a minute, the audience didn’t stab or mug anyone at all. It might be of interest to our would be censors to hear that no one walked out and the company were warmly applauded. My advice to Mr McGann and his fellow protestors is to relax. The Pip Simmons Theatre Group will go away soon. Will the violence and social deprivation in Glasgow do the same?”

All photos and blog ©Sheila Burnett.

Drac/Dream -The Only Time We Cancelled a show: 1977

On the road again

March 1977 Harwich to Esjbierg on the over night ferry. How do we entertain ourselves on this long journey? First stop the bar, it’s going to be a long crossing so John and I decide to join in that evenings dance competition, can we dance ? of course not and when we see the ladies and gents in their finest outfits elegantly showing up and then showing their skills, we get nervous. John is up for Tango and me up for Rock n Roll… Several 3 fingers of whisky later we disgrace ourselves by dragging the poor dance entertainers around the floor, take a bow and then run for cover. Long ferry journeys often end up like this and we have many long ferry journeys.

This is the beginning of the long 3 month tour Drac/Dream, starting in Scandinavia snaking our way through Switzerland, Norway, Denmark, France ending in Nice. We will inhabit both shows for 3 months and then bid them farewell, they are our reason for being here, we unpack whichever show we do that night, do the show, pack it up and off we go to the next venue, sometimes one night sometimes one week, sometimes just driving.

Sheila, Pip, Roderic heading north on the seas to Scandinavia

This tour lasts 3 months zig zagging through Europe, one time driving from Stockholm to Nice for one show and then touring north again through France and Germany, sometimes doing Dracula 3, Sometimes The Dream, sometimes alternating both.

Chris Dick and John, much needed van stretch

I (Lucy Vampire) have a cold, a bad one and have been taking cough mixture with stuff in it (probably morphine) it make me high and dopey. Its first night in Hamburgh, all goes well untill I get out of my coffin to attack Emil (Dr Seward) who has to catch me and hurl me away after a well rehearsed somersault, and then grab me by the hair, a well rehearsed stage trick. I don’t hit my mark and fall on my knees, Emil doesn’t wait for me to grab his wrist (stage trick) so drags me along the stage by my hair, I am furious. Meanwhile Olly (Jonathan Harker) throws a well rehearsed crucifix at Rod (Dracula 3) who whilst tearing around the stage in flapping bat cape gets kicked in the balls. Rod throws a well rehearsed top hat at Olly which skims his left eye. Emil by now has thrown me over his shoulder and carries me through the audience to a balcony where the band are and I howl with pain and fury. Do the audience think we do this every night ? it goes down well, we never do curtain calls, we leave the stage injured and upset. The upshot of this is Rod has a damaged testicle, Olly has scratched his left cornea and me and Emil are not talking. Rod on doctors orders is told to rest for 2 nights else he won’t be able to have babies. This is the only time in over 10 years we cancelled a show.

This is the one and only time we cancelled!

Emil in Hamburg

Dear Sis, I am sitting in the same cafe ordering the same dinner and writing the same postcard as 1 year and 3 months ago, it’s a time warp, its like we never did the I.C.A. The audience is so different here in Denmark. We are in this strange High School miles from anywhere doing Dream. The audience are all the kids from this school, they wonder in and out all through the show, giggle at you and offer you sweeties and tobacco, they clap soon as you suggest it and join in and then clear off in the middle of the show if they feel like it. Someone jumped on stage and tried to join in …….totally harmless but unnerving. When we arrived here yesterday they were cat calling Rod Kojac .. hey you Kojak!! we should have known ….

Pip and Dave-Herning High School Denmark

Dave is looked after by Olly who also looks after the Doves. Dave only gets to perform in the The Dream whereas the doves perform in both shows. We take it in turns to have the doves in our hotel room and Dave stays with Olly. No animals are harmed in these shows, the are fed an watered and we love them.

Olly backstage with doves

All photos © Sheila Burnett

Drac/Dream-Whores and Lunatics: 1976/77

Whores and Lunatics

Two young disrobed women walk slowly through thick swirling smoke in time to music, hypnotic music. They stroll past a demented young man hanging high on a cross made of scaffolding and light bulbs. The two young women pass either side without a backward glance but they know that he is wearing a crown of torn flowers, and that his arms are outstretched a dove perched on each hand, he looks stricken as he watches the two women because he knows that they are temptation. They crouch down and start dressing very slowly, shabby laddered stockings, leather brassieres, down-at-heel shoes. The drone of the music continues as they finish dressing.

Doc Suicide, on studded six foot stilts wearing a black cloak, makes an entrance while firing a gun. His strides towering over everyone, he is tall enough to be face-to-face with the Ridiculous Man strung up high, suffering on his cross. The gun is offered to him, this man is determined to seek the truth, but can end it all now with one bullet. The smoke chugs out, the band plays and one of the young women sings ‘He was Despised’ while the other struts with maracas. The doves fly away as Meirav is singing. I have the maracas, Emil has the gun, Roderic is on the cross. Pete sings lead, Rod backing singer and guitar, John drums. Lighting by Dick Johnson, the vision is all Pip Simmons and it is arguably one of the best songs Chris Jordan ever wrote — CORRUPTION The vision is dark and we love it …..The Dream of a Ridiculous Man

Backstage photos of Dracula and The Dream of a Ridiculous Man. They could easily be mistaken for the same show. Perfect travelling companion:, crucifixes and doves in both. Dracula — blasphemous, frenzied and provocative; The Dream — joyous, subtle and tender. We embrace both shows equally.

Backstage photos of Dracula and Dream. They could easily be mistaken for the same show. Perfect travelling companion:, crucifixes and doves in both. Dracula — blasphemous, frenzied and provocative; The Dream — joyous, subtle and tender. We embrace both shows equally.

Aux Ateliers: Création du Rêve d’un Homme Ridicule – par le Pip Simmons Group

Le Figaro 27/4/77 Pip Simmons is in Lyon and has just performed at the Ateliers its latest creation ‘The Dream of a Ridiculous Man’. After the expressionistic beauty of An Die Musik’s scenes of torture and humiliation, here is a, joyous play, both poetic and burlesque. An ordinary man, awkward and self-conscious in his everyday life, frees himself from his frustrations in a transcendent dream. In a bizarre & exciting way the actor-musicians and singers lead us on an eighty minute journey, always mid-way between sensuality and gentleness, starting with salvation army sermons and ending with astoundingly provocative mystic visions to the sound of rock music. The moral of this subtle, absurd show is that the dreams of our society only result in chaos and confusion.

Libre Belgique, Brussels This production has a simplicity which is as fascinating as the invention that animates the evening and only the English could have created it. The French would have politicised the argument, intellectualised the parable, bowdlerised with logic the savage eruption of real life where nothing is ever defined or definitive.

Telegraf The secret of these young Britishers lies in their honesty, their directness and the intensity of their realisations

Olly waits patiently for the theatre to open.

The French and Belgians shower us with hospitality. After every first night, we are greeted with warmth and wine and nibbles and bonheur. One fine evening we had consumed so much of this lovely wine at the post show party, someone had the bright idea to do the show again on the stage for the hell of it, inebriated techies let us back in the theatre, we did the show again in the dark for them, a pie eyed alternative version ! how we got away with that isn’t on record. It was a blinder that took days to recover from ………….

sheila and Chris warm up backstage-Caen

Touring is still a novelty, we are a young group, silly pranks keep us going when boredom sets in. Music plays most of the time on the cassette machine, if Rod doesn’t like the music whilst he’s driving, he grabs the cassette and chucks it out of the window, this happens often. Dick likes Jackson Brown, we all hate Jackson Brown, out of the window, Dick sulks and writes a letter home to his girlfriend on entire Rizzla packet of white roll up paper. Newspapers are all over the place, Chris goes to any central station to see if we are lucky enough to get an English newspaper, the ash tray is full to overflowing, Rod Dick, John smoke the rest of us don’t. Everyone wants to sit in the double seat at the front, we take it in turns. John and I in a bored idle moment decide to swap clothes for a bet, the van is on the move along the autobahn whilst we giggle and struggle out of our outfits, John wears my girly red dress and bra all day, even when we go in to the autobahn cafe; he looks better in it then I do. I wear John’s tight punk jeans and waistcoat, he’s such a smart dresser !

I’m lucky I have no one at home I’m missing, not so easy for anyone leaving wive’s and sweethearts back at home, you can spot the signs … moody blues settle, silence not mixing, going it alone, tempers fray, a huge argument then erupts in the van when someone doesn’t want to hear the same music again, sulks all round, Roderic goes straight to his hotel room rather than eat and drink with us after one of these long autobahn journeys, he’s missing his girlfriend badly, it can last for days but then blows over, sulks come and go, full blown bad feelings are rare.

John and Dick back of van

The best time is doing the show, thats the reason we are here, but shows get cancelled, we make the best of it. French food and wine are too good to ignore. Breakfasts are croissants and homemade apricot jam with hot milky coffee while sitting under the apricot trees that provide the jam. If it’s a travel day, a stop at a ‘routière’ and usually wine and dine in the evening, unless its show night. Mobile phones not invented, email not invented, text messages not invented, Insta-Twitter-Facebook not invented. We have letters, postcards and the occasional expensive phone call home. A tour can be 6 months. We have stops along the way. We go home for Christmas. We visit zoos caves and churches, I look forward to buying postcards to send back home. I have my distractions taking photos, I travel with a bunch of show off’s who like to be in front of a camera happy to provide snippy snappy moments. I have to wait till I get get home to see if the photos turn out okay. I have an Olympus trip 35 mm point and shoot, and later Nikon L35 compact. On a long tour, I can take up to 10 rolls of films and once lost 5 spools. I was sick with grief, still am.

Drac 3 and Dream are a wonderful combo to tour side by side. We inhabit these shows and between us inhabit whores, vampires, doctors, bats, professors, lunatics, strippers, little girls, old men, priests, Tahitians, trapezists, shifty tramps and more. Rod has the big black cape in Dracula, Emil has the big black cape in Dream. The band play, the little girl cries, the vampires scream and during the day we load the van drive to the next venue ready to do it again.

Photos and Blog © Sheila Burnett

Drac/Dream-Lethal Injection: 1977

Homeward Bound, last leg of the tour

The Pip Simmons Theatre Group is just that: it’s a group. They have no theatre and are on the last leg of a six-month European tour of France, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Belgium, Holland and Germany.

Rod, who plays Dracula also drives the tour van; and Roderic, who plays The Ridiculous Man also drives the tour van, they take turns driving us in the blue Mercedes van whilst we — Meirav, Dick, Chris, John and I — throw paper pellets at each other and squabble over where to sit. Chris has the best seat in the front because he speaks a bit of French and German — useful when going through the many border crossings. We call him the Carnet Führer.

Roderic transport and Chris carnet Fürer

Roderic in the drivers seat, Chris with a pocket full of passports, another ferry port homeward bound

Each border has to have the carnet stamped. 50 pages duplicated 3 times. One to keep, the other two for the customs officials of the two countries we are leaving and entering. Everything in the van has to be accounted for with a special theatre licence for the gun to prove it isn’t a weapon plus special papers for three doves and Dave the cockerel. These borders take time, loads of time. Norway/Sweden – Sweden/Denmark – Denmark/Holland – Holland/France – France/Belgium – Belgium/Germany and so on!

If it’s getting late we race to join the back of a queue of lorries before the border closes. Money has been known to change hands. If we don’t make it in time, we have to find a hotel, stay in a place we don’t want to be, and then start queuing at border control the next day. We sit quietly, best behaviour. It doesn’t take much for border control guards to find an excuse to haul us out the van.

Our van is the small one but size doesn't matter, this van takes us along perilous icy roads to freezing places, traveling along endless autobahns to hot sunny places and then back again. Everything we own is in this van!

Our van is the small one far right, but size doesn’t matter, this van takes us along perilous icy roads to freezing places, traveling along endless autobahns to hot sunny places and then back again. Everything we own is in this van!

Loading the van: Dave the cockerel and the doves who need to be fed and watered en route; Emil, John, Roderic, Meirav and Dave the cockerel

Chris, Emil, Dick, Pete Pip, Roderic, Rod, Olly

Chris, John, Dick, Emil, Pete, Pip, Roderic, Rod and Olly waiting, waiting for theatre to open

We arrive in the afternoon and wait for the theatre to open. Then we unload, choose a dressing room, put the kettle on, set up, do a sound check, iron costumes, set the props, feed the livestock, go for a walk, look around for somewhere to eat, buy a postcard. If it’s Sunday, we stay in the theatre as nowhere is open, EVER.

If it is not Sunday, we go for a walk, visit the town, eat and shop and see what is around the corner, get back a couple of hours before the show, warm up, do hair and make-up — not that there is much of that — check props, change into our costumes, check the stage for nails, holes and uneven surfaces, check exits and entrances and wait for an audience.

Olly and Meirave wait in the wings for something to happen

Olly and Meirav wait in the wings The Dream

The tour is coming to an end. The van careers towards Nice, as soon as we see the sea a bottle of our finest plonk is opened and passed around, it’s been a long long drive from Denmark and we’ve run out of things to fight about. It’s time to have a shower, find the bars and restaurants, the sea, the warm climate, stretch the legs and wake up !

We perform at the Palace Theatre in Nice, it’s a short walk to a small hotel which is a short walk to a pebble beach and a short walk to the hills behind the hotel which happens to be the red light district. Pretty prozzies in white thigh-high boots sending out signals; the boys linger ……. the tour ends in Avignon, we are bushed.

Olly, Sheila and John, homeward bound, Calais - Dover

Olly, Sheila and John, ferry Calais – Dover and then home

This tour has lasted 8 months, we are wacked and head for the bar on the ferry, we always head for the bar on the ferry, too exhausted to party, just a slow goodbye. Goodbye Emil Wolk, Goodbye Meirav Gary, Goodbye Pete Jonfield, and Goodby Dave the cockerel who has to have a lethal injection, the doves survive to fly another day. A new show, a new team a new experience is on the horizon……

Sheila Learns to be a Lady-Lucie Clayton: 1977

Sheila learns to be a Lady

Lucie Clayton 1977

We had group meeting before our holls & to my amazement Pip suggests I go to Lucie Clayton’s to prepare for the next show, I thought he was joking but apparently not. Lucy Clayton Charm academy and finishing school, is this my Eliza Doolittle moment ! Pip would never pay for this, it’s too expensive.

Day 1 : Sloane Square Lucy Clayton’s Charm Academy, this is worst than working for Pip. 20 strange girls all younger than me. The instructors put on a disco record told us to dance, get to know each other & left the room. I’m glad no one could see me. I hope it’s not all going to be like this for 3 weeks, still its only mornings.

Day 2 : We had to do a Paris turn today. Each girl walks across the room & teacher criticises each individual. She asked me how many children I had. I explained I had been to my Mums for the weekend & had ate a lot of cake, and had no children.

Day 3 : We had to learn how to get in and out of cars without showing our knickers. They actually had ½ a car for us to practice in. I asked how you do it in a Mini Moke or a big van, she wasn’t amused but the class were. We are all told to wear proper clothes & not turn up in jeans. I haven’t worn a skirt in years, must find one for tomorrow.

Day 4 : Had a lecture on going to dinner with one’s boyfriend. It’s a bit old fashioned. To leave potatoes, don’t smoke, only have 1/2 a glass of wine, not to put lipstick on at table. I think they mean don’t enjoy yourself. Good to know one won’t show one’s knickers when one gets in to his Sports car.

Fri : day 5 Horror! We had to sit in circle & explain why we had come to Lucie Clayton, I thought it best not to lie, I couldn’t think of an excuse so just said I’d been sent by my boss to behave like a lady. Seems like there’s a lot of rich very young girls here. Still, I’ve got pally with a 19yr old architect whose very skinny.

Mon : day 6 Had a lecture on teeth & plaque & cleaning 3 times a day & a film showing the inside of people’s mouth. We are all told to ask questions. I ask him about smokers toothpaste & he said to get rid of nicotine stains was not to smoke.

Tues : day 7 We do exercise each day & teacher asked if anyone knew any different exercises. I remembered the ones I did with Emil a clown and acrobat so volunteered, she called me to the front & after I showed the class 3 new exercises, she returned me to my place & said it was too dangerous. A lady from Elizabeth Arden came later & told us how to wash.

Weds : day 8 Make up today. Went in to a room full of mirrors & tons of make-up. The teacher came up behind me & looked at my reflection & gave me the address of where to gets the bags under my eyes removed & to get my white heads out. CHEEK! after that she made up half my face & I had to copy exactly the other half. Felt inclined to do something silly but didn’t. However, the completed look supposing to make us look young and beautiful, made me look like Barbara Cartland. Felt embarrassed on the tube in case I should meet anyone I knew.

Thurs : day 9 Can’t get this wretched make up off. They want us to wear it every day but I’ve got to draw a line somewhere. Had nail inspection today & lessons in applying nail varnish. They suggested I buy false nails. Next week we have to do our “turning out ceremony “but next week rehearsals start for our next show “Red Death” in Battersea, I’m going to get out of this fashion parade if I can.

Fri : day 10 Phone Pip saying its not really working, best I come back to rehearsals, he thinks I should see it through to the end. We had to be weighed today and walked across the room with books on our head

Mon : day 11 Lucie Clayton in the morning & Battersea rehearsals in afternoon, I did my Clayton bit & met the group in a Battersea pub, they have started rehearsals, 3 new faces & Roderic’s permed his hair. I think he should stand in at Lucie’s Clayton’s for me. Rowen has returned.

Tues : 12 The Charm academy suggest because its Wimbledon week, we do a fashion parade in tennis gear & our favourite dress, had a practice with disco music where we all walk up & down a cat-walk Paris turn and smile, bigger smile please they keep saying & then go to our places. They videoed us and made us watch. Somebody else asked how many children I had

Weds : Day 13 Our fashion Parade is on Friday & I told Pip it wasn’t worth seeing. He insisted it was worth seeing & asked how many could come. The whole group wanted to come but teacher sais only 4. I tried to persuade Pip I would be more useful in Battersea rehearsals but he obviously didn’t think so.

Thurs : day 14 Rehearsals for fashion parade, we are told where to stand, lucky me I’ve got a mantel piece I can lean on. Still trying to put Pip off coming.

Fri : day 15 I was more nervous than I can remember. Pip Helena Rod and Chris arrived, they all wore suits & really stuck out amongst all the proud Mums and Dads. Pip with his beard and mustachio, Rod looked like a bouncer in his black suit, Helena looked nice and Chris in his only suit which was yellow, they didn’t look like my parents sitting there on the little dainty seats in second row, I wouldn’t have minded but …..…..

I cant find the last page …….. I’m still looking 45 years later; but this much I do remember; The Method of Pip Simmons nothing is wasted, this off the wall prep idea could come in really handy. The next show is after all Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Masque of the Red Death” Poe’s women are often mentally strong with an oh-so-desired feminine frailty, he even endows his female characters to such an extent making them not less than males or equal to males but exceeding that of the men !

Bring on the Girls !!!